Wednesday, October 16, 2002
My new idol is remy ong, for his mental strength, humility and generousity. Wonder if i have what it takes to be a top athlete or the top in the business world. 8 more months before i graduate. Time passes really fast, gotta start planning my life. Charting my life route. Scary ainnit. People are going overseas, well maybe I should just go overseas and study so that I have 3 more years to wonder about what i wanna do. Sports, career, what am i supposed to do? Not that I'm good in rugby either. Just so-so or even lousier than that. Everytime i manage to get into the school team, my performance stagnates. Then the self doubt creeps in and then I'll be bordering on the edge with the people who are those maybe can, maybe can't people. Happened in primary school, gymnastics, secondary school, basketball & air rifle, now poly, rugby. Tired of it. Plus the fact that I come from a family of athletes, mother, basketball sch team, uncles, basketball & athletics, auntie, national hockey team. When will it be my turn? What's going wrong? I have to correct it now if I wanna improve or go anywhere.
Going to a play tonight, feeling tired. Not getting enough sleep lately, dunno wad's wrong. No mood to go clubbing either. Good in a way, not sure if I'll have enough money to last the entire month anyway at the rate I'm spending my money. Shall just stay at home and be a good girl for the next few weeks. Gotta get some sun, I'm turning too fair. Haven't watched my vcd, haven't even tore off the wrapper it came in. My table's in a total mess, no time to pack it, too lazy as well. My life's going downhill, wonder when I'm going to pull myself out of it and stop giving myself excuses for things I've not been doing.
Unknown at 1:39 pm