Sunday, April 02, 2006
time.reflections.
I don't think i can sleep tonight, part of it is the elation that has kept my head bobbing ala Paris Hilton (airhead) plus the thought of time slipping out of my fingers if i should go to sleep. There's some journals that i wanna read, some photos i wanna look through and some pondering that i wanna do. Something that is supposed to be very personal yet i do it all online publicly. I read my YEP journal on my thoughts that i captured on the Save the Sumatran Rhinos Trip. That was abt 4yrs ago. I said that i was selfish then, and now i am still battling the selfish shite. 4 years, 4 looong years. I guess i never really intended to change myself, just letting the environments shape me. While i stay happily within my comfort zone. Sometimes i wish i could rip off pieces of me that i don't like. Maybe rip off some flesh on my arm and selfishness will fly out the window. The skin will regenerate and then below it will just be hollow. Certain questions that i frequently asked myself, i've stopped asking, because certain things u don't get an answer at the snap of your finger. So we'll see how i change and how the environments shape me. Although i've gotta work hard at it. Of course today's attempts went a little off course, but i'll continue in my little ways.
And i finally got the answer as to why people our age are so cynical and we try so hard to be emotionless. As we age we realise we're not longer invincible, so we try to put up walls to "maintain" that invincibility. But of course deep inside we continue yearning for the day we can say i shall be vulnerable and experience, pain, joy, love, happiness, sadness in its purest forms. When will i dare to take that step?
Unknown at 2:38 am