Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Marriage in parts

Marriage (Part I)
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady
and after the wedding, he laid down the following
rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what
time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell
you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go
hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I
want with my old buddies and don't you give me a
hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any
comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
understand that there will be sex here at seven
o'clock every night ......... whether you're here or
not."




Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of
their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As
Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you
a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband Stiff
At Last"



Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight
at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage
and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and
storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes
he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings
her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and
the irritated husband says, "what took you so long
to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"




Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his
achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he
starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of
her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that
it's time to go home and wants to find out if his
wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top
of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of
discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're
ready, Father of Four."




Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an
early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the
first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left
it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man awoke, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious,
he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't
awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the
bed.
The message on the paper read, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake
up."


Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is
always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Unknown at 1:05 am