Thursday, November 25, 2004
Somehow something, everything has suddenly seemed to look like it's fallen into place. I wonder what's the trigger to this immense lightness that i feel, the returning to my one true passion? The love that i'm getting from my team mates? The stability of study life that's going to bring for me, thereby eliminating all the internal turmoil that i faced a year ago til yesterday? The departure of the charade that i put up for the past month, plus being at the beck and call of my mother's whims and fancies? Or the hitting home of some of the truths in the book that i read (The Catalpa Tree by Denyse Devlin)? The cleaning up of some of the old stuff in my room, emotional housekeeping as well? Or me wanting my old self back so badly that somehow somewhere it finally fell back onto my lap again? I feel very unburdened, very light and, finally, very free.
On a sobering note and scary to say, i realised i was so busy with the past month, i had no time to even read my magazines and i'm a person who reads anything and everything. And magazines are my monthly addictions, Car, Autocar, Cleo, Rugby World, amongst some others. I guessed that busy-ness bogged me down A LOT, especially in comparison to how i'm feeling now. I realised i didn't have the time to think about other's feelings, sometimes side-stepping and sometimes being utterly selfish.
I feel the old calm me coming back and it's been a long hiatus, i hope i finally find me again.
Self Realization
Unknown at 1:15 pm