Wednesday, December 17, 2003
16days 17 days to be exact, since i last updated. sorry peeps. somehow the blog is no longer the no 1 priority where i rant and perhaps share as well. been busy with work. not really that busy in fact slacking most of the time. hah. driving, animes, bf, galfrenz. some of stuff that i'm busy with nowadays. i come online to download animes, rarely do i go on icq. daily to-do list: clear emails, check my friendster acct, go through the webbies that i have to surf everyday. kinda routine, sometime boring, monotone but a habit. i guess i have to start cultivating some useful habits instead of these. and while reading an article today about how to really find out what a person truly is like (by means of lotsa alcohol, or by playing mahjong) that there are two sides of us. the real ugly side that is seldom revealed and the nice pretty mask you put on everyday. set me thinking if i was the sad friend who got drunk wad kinda traits would i reveal, something i popped up straight into my face: selfish. i hafta admit though deep inside i'm a truly selfish person. i hafta constantly remind myself to be nice and to share my stuff. something inborn. lotsa faces i put on when i meet and face different people.. and over the past few days when levi has been in camp, i realised lotsa insecurities that i actually have in a relationship that i never discovered. i used to think nah i'm not the jealous sort, not the has to be showered with tender loving care everyday, you can leave me to rough and tumble a few days on my own. guess deep inside haha i'm not. but it's been good. now i face up to my own fears and insecurities at least, and not by acting tough to cover up what truly lies beneath. who likes a mask? but who likes a selfish person anyway. trying to be someone whom i wanna respect and truly be someone whom after her death will be remembered as someone with integrity and honesty and blah blah blah on the inside rather than someone who only had it on as a mask. someone i truly aspire to be.
Unknown at 12:17 am