Wednesday, August 13, 2003
religion: new contender buddhism. this is making me go crazy. Somehow i'm at this point in my life where the battle (hmm not battle but i can't think of another nicer word to use) between god as in jesus, interpretations of his sayings, my concept of religion which is confusing me.
religion seems to b pushing me away from levi. but yet it's like i simply dun understand why when we believe in the same god but yet our interpretations are so different. how do i reconcile them then. i want to let jesus into my life but somehow i dunno how it's going to happen and how it will happen and what should i do. to me christianity seems a bit too pushy. but my concept of christianity and god's love wasn't like that. there're too many things and questions and issues that are running through my head. if only there's like an FAQ that god could publish for me u noe. it'd b so much easier. ask and you shall b answered. seek and ye shalt find.
and if i cannot reconcile the different interpretations it's gonna push us apart. i wonder if i should just give up now and maybe in the long run it'd b better for both of us. but i dun wanna give up just like that. n i wonder if all these obstacles are the devil's doing trying to push me away from god or is god testing me. u see there's no answer except wait and see izzit? sigh. major sigh.
uncle joe came over to do foot reflexology for my parents n i also asked to have one session. realised i'm a piece of scrap. everything's screwed up farked up. i dunno basically one big piece of trash i am.
had a customer that came in and actually said that i was incompetent. i wanna say she's a farked up bitch but somehow i just can't seem to place that label on her. coming from a person who loves to scold ppl and use the word bitch. i feel very insulted. so much so that i cried becoz of that. 20 something can't take harsh words. that's me. i'm too much of a softie.
and i most probably din get the job. if i got the job he'd haf called me there's no need for me to rush him. hello i just wanna ask did i get the job? like hello u dunno wad's thick skinned izzit.
venting my frustrations. i feel like shouting i feel like going for a jog. i feel like destressing but nowhere to release. i dun even noe wad's my destress outlet. help.
Unknown at 11:14 pm